Poetry- I no longer hold on <3 by Estefania Ramirez

Humans make promises they can’t keep,

my promise to you was that I’d wait for you,

even if at night, I couldn’t sleep.

I’m not holding it against you anymore,

I’m tired of hating you,

because I end up hating myself more.

I’m done telling myself that I don’t deserve you,

the “I don’t deserve you” that screams, “I wasn’t enough,”

I’m aware that loving you would’ve been tough.

I didn’t deserve you,

and I don’t mean this in my usual self degrading way,

“I deserved better” is what I’ve been meaning to say.

I deserve a love that has no boundaries,

where we drive all night while I look up at the California palm trees.

I deserve a love that holds me,

where I am so loved, that I never feel lonely.

I deserve a love that will fight,

where it’s us against the world,

where we’ve got each other’s back even if we’re not usually right.

I deserve the love I tried to give you every day I was in your life,

where you promise to stay even when there was no invite.

I promised I’d never give up,

I made a promise to you that I’d hold your hand and we’d make that jump.

but life’s not a sea and love’s not the air we breathe,

I can’t jump into wasting my life waiting for you if in the end,

if I come back up, your heart isn’t what i receive.

I no longer want your love,

If love exists and is for me, it’ll find me without a shove.

I’m letting you go,

you can run to her a thousand times more,

you can run to her over and over again even if your feet are sore.

you can run to her because I will not run to you like before,

I will not even sit here and watch you give her the love I would cherish and she will ignore.

So I am letting go,

letting go of our past so I can soar,

to live a life that will not bore,

to find all kinds of love and explore.

I’m done,

I no longer hold on.